Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
