We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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