Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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