"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
