Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Enjoy the penises
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
