I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize