We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
