The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
