how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
