even my farts smell like vagina
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize