I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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