Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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