my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
