im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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