my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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