since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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