Ambien. No doubt about it.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
