Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She's the barista slut.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
