I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
