Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Randomize
