do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize