I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
40s are totally the cure
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
