So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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