I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
