wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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