Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
