I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
