Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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