My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
