somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
