sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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