I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize