College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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