oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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