Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
