Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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