I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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