i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
