I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
