I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
