Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
