Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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