I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize