I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
