Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
