how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
