My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize