This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
