$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Can you bring me the toilet please
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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