This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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