guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
