If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Alive.
So much puke
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
