he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
