ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
wow bdsm is so cute
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