I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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