ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
