she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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