I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
