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You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
