Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
