For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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