I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
