Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
